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Day 10.
I feel the need to preface this post with a reminder that I am striving to be transparent and really honest about all aspects of my experience in Sudan. Monday was the first day that I really struggled on numerous fronts, and rather than tell you that it was a day of perfection for me, I am going to tell you how I struggled and how I grew from it.
I am a go-getter, a checklist kind of person. I like forward progress and getting things done…it’s how I’m hard-wired. During our team trainings prior to our trip to Sudan, Andrew warned us that sometimes the slower pace of life in Sudan can be really difficult for team memers to adjust to. I had no problem with the pace, but I was shocked when I sat down to journal Monday night and I felt an overwhelming sense of uselessness. Had we been busy? Absolutely! Had I fallen in love with Sudan and the Sudanese? Definitely. Did I have specific tasks to complete while there? I did.
So what was the problem?
My contributions on our trip thus far seemed small and definitely intangible. Here in America, aside from imparting knowledge into my students’ minds, everything I accomplish can be physically represented. My school work produces lengthy papers and grades. My photography business produces, well, photographs. My chores produce visible improvements (mostly). Even teaching produces tangible results in the form of grades and assignments. In Sudan, however, I was making friends, taking pictures, shaking hands, and telling a few Bible stories. But where were the tangible results of my being there??
On our second night in Sudan, Andrew’s devotional was about redefining what success looks like, especially when working in a place like Sudan where progress and change do not occur quickly. At the time, I really did not understand how critical that devotional would prove to be for me. However, as I struggled with not feeling like I had contributed anything of value to our work in Nasir, I really had to reflect on Andrew’s message and spend a lot of time in prayer that night asking that God renew my spirit, mind, and attitude. Thankfully, He not only answered my prayers, but surpassed my expectations in the following days. As I have reflected on that Monday and how I felt that night as I lay in bed, I have come to realize that however intangible the ways, God was using me!
Snapshot of Monday:
-Attended Bible school and storying groups in the community
-Walked to the fish market in town
-Toured the MSF (aka Doctors Without Borders) compound
-Had Jengmer and Kim build us a game of Yet (pronounced yit)…tried to learn how to play, but the Sudanese sort of took over! =)
Photographic documentation!!
Bible duel gora…
Twak…
This was the only shot I got of the UN, and this was as they were driving away…
Storying groups. We split the Bible school students into three groups, and then we split the team up to go with the three groups into the community where the students would begin telling Bible stories. I went with Peter, Jengmer, and three students to a home nearby. The students told the story, retold the story, walked through the story, and then we said a closing prayer. It was great to see the students in action, and especially because they still needed considerable direction as far as how to conduct the storying, but it gave our team leaders an idea of where to begin. Here was our group…
This was the man of the house. He looks very solemn (okay, sort of mean) in this picture, but he was very friendly to us…
After we dismissed our group and returned to the compound, we waited on the other team members to return before heading into town. While we were waiting, Goi’s little brother left the compound, and right after he left, Goi shut the door and locked it so his brother couldn’t get back in. Kids are the same everywhere in the world…
Anole. One of many, many lizards that we saw while in Nasir…
Our fence…
With the corn sprouting up all over our chin (pronounced sheen…it means compound), it felt like home sweet home…
Okay, so I live in Indiana and I am very familiar with cattle, but I love the way these cattle look (and I love that they all roam freely)…
Fish suk: smelliest place on Earth!
When we returned to the compound, Mandy and I decided that we wanted to learn how to play the ever-popular game of yet. We went over to Jengmer and asked if he would teach us. He then inscripted Kim (pronounced Keem) to build us the yet board, and Mandy and I helped make the mud balls which serve as the game’s pieces. Once the game was built, Bil and Kim began playing. Mandy and I were trying to get them to teach us how to play, but there seemed to be a cultural barrier…as in, the Sudanese wanted to play the game rather than take the time to teach two kawaja women how to play! We were persistent, though, and by the end of the trip, we learned!
I’ll end with this shot of Goi…the kid loved having his picture taken!!
Highs:
-Peter asking me to say the closing prayer for our storying group. Men are the leaders in Sudan, and so to have a female lead the group in prayer served as a great example to the Sudanese men and served as commraderie/inspiration for the women.
-Tour of the MSF compound. It was really neat to see the work that MSF is doing in Nasir, and a privilege to be able to see inside the compound, as teams before us have been denied access.
-Receiving word from MSF that Mandy and Angie would be able to spend the next morning working at their facility! That was amazing!
-Fellowship with the Sudanese on our compound via our game of yet.
Lows:
-Struggling with feeling useless.
Lessons God Taught Me:
-Patience. God was working out His plan for each member of our team, but He needed patience from us. I’m still not sure why that day was harder than any of the other days for me, but it was certainly one of the days in which I had to lean on God the most. It was a lesson in not rushing God. He continued to reveal amazing things to our team and to encourage me in some really amazing ways, but I was so desperately wanting every day to be a “What? The United Nations is hauling our sand??” kind of day. Sitting quietly in His presence that Monday night was a tremendous lesson for me to just be still and listen sometimes, rather than always planning and strategizing and going, going, going.
-Some of the greatest works in life are intangible. Though I was feeling like I hadn’t produced anything visible of which to say, “Look at what I helped do,” we were there to fulfill the Great Commission. Is there anything greater? Buildings crumble, medicines run out, textbooks become tattered, and eventually any other physical thing becomes useless. God’s Word, however, is everlasting. By going to Sudan and supporting Jengmer and the Bible school students, we were supporting some of the greatest work on Earth. I was certainly able to redefine what success looks like to me…once I got over myself and my need for a checklist!
