For a while now, I have been restless, and out of that restlessness I started wanting to make a big life change. My thought process went a bit like this…
Should I cut my hair off? I’ve been growing it out for 3 years, but maybe chopping it off would cure my restlessness.
Or maybe we should move. I know! Now that our family is complete, we should start praying about whether it’s time to head back to the foreign mission field.
But no, we firmly feel that the Lord has closed that door for the time being. Hmmm…
Oh, I know! Let’s just move out to the country and start homesteading. We’ll buy some livestock and grow our own food. Yes! Let’s install solar panels, and collect rainwater for the enormous garden. We’ll live radically for the Lord and show our kids what it means to follow Jesus!
Thankfully, time and experience has given me the wisdom to recognize that my restlessness is mostly due to postpartum hormones. In fact, I anticipated this would happen (it happens like clockwork after every baby right around the 3-month mark).
Before Nora was even born, I made Blaise promise he wouldn’t agree to me cutting my hair no matter how well I argued my case. We have too many projects to complete on the house before we’ll be ready to move. Aaaaaand we know that moving to the foreign mission field isn’t in our near future.
Asking the Hard Questions
But even though I anticipated this restlessness, it still made me ask some hard questions about our parenting, our family culture, and what God is calling us to. We’d already been vision-casting, habit training, and goal-setting together. Since we were already having some big conversations about what we want our family life and ministry to look like, I simply asked some of my questions out loud.
When our kids look at us, do they see Jesus?
Are the fruits of the Spirit on display in our lives?
When we teach them about living radically for Jesus, do they understand what that means? And do they see us living radically?
And it was the question about living radically for Jesus that stopped me in my tracks.
Because once upon a time, we did. We gave up our careers, our home, and our families to move halfway around the world, live in a mud mansion, and share the gospel with our South Sudanese friends and neighbors. We helped launch a radio station and train its staff. We battled scorpions, malaria, and fatigue. We experienced homesickness and deep contentment in equal measure. We trusted in Him as He stretched us and grew our faith.
We’ve done the whole “living radically for Christ” thing. And since then, life and faith has felt so…ordinary.
As Blaise and I talked, we agreed that we don’t want ordinary faith for our kids. We want them to see us living all-in for Christ. We want them to know what it means to be willing to give it all up for the sake of the gospel. To love big. To live big.
And for us, it kind of felt like living as missionaries in a foreign country was the only way to live radically for the Lord.
But we know that’s simply not true.
So off to the Lord I went in prayer. I begged Him to show me what it should look like for us to live radically for Him right here, right now. I pleaded with Him to show me what needs to change in our lives so that our kids see us living radically for the one True King.
And He is faithful to answer that prayer every. single. time.
Being Faithful in the Small Things
But the answer was not what I expected. It was both incredibly convicting and extremely humbling. Oh how I wanted Him to say, “GO! Make disciples in South Sudan! Or Turkey! Or literally anywhere outside of the United States!”
Instead, He very gently took me by the heart and whispered, “But you haven’t been faithful, consistent, or diligent in the small things.”
I’m sorry. What???
My response was an immediate, “BUT…”
But I’m homeschooling, just like you called us to.
But I’m teaching my children all about you, reading them the Bible, teaching them how to pray.
But I’m willing to go anywhere in the world to serve you!
Ahhhh, but in my desire to live boldly, I’ve ignored the ordinary means of grace. God very gently – but also very firmly – reminded me that until I can prove trustworthy with the small things, He cannot give me bigger things.
We’ve failed at consistently living out our faith. Yes, we are called to live boldly and radically. But, honestly, I’ve misinterpreted what that means.
Sometimes it does look like selling everything and moving to the foreign mission field. But sometimes it means simply staying where you are and being faithful in the ordinary, everyday things. Because here’s the part I missed: it isn’t that our lifestyle itself has to be radical, it’s that our faith has to be radical.
Now, should our lifestyle look different from the world? Of course! But in my desire to “live radically” for the Lord, I missed the point. The point is that when you’re doing it right, faithfully following Jesus is radical. It’s countercultural and flies in the face of every piece of worldly wisdom.
I had such a desire to DO something or GO somewhere in order to live out a radical faith that I missed the fact that all along, He’s been calling me to seek after Him in the quiet, the stillness…
the ordinary.
It was that little bit in 1 Thessalonians 4.11 that says, “make it your ambition to lead a quiet life” that hit me hard. I’m still totally up for an adventure with God! If He calls us to pack up and move somewhere to serve Him, then we’ll go.
But it isn’t a change of location that my kids need to see as a testimony to Christ’s work in my life. It’s a change of heart.
They need to see me delighting in Him daily. They need to see me being faithful in the small, ordinary, everyday moments. They need to see me lift my hands in worship on the hard, “didn’t sleep last night and everybody’s fighting” days just as often as I lift them on the “everything is going right” days. They need to see me faithfully pursuing the ordinary means of grace…
Soaking in the Word.
Praying without ceasing.
Faithfully attending church.
Embodying the Fruits of the Spirit.
Loving and serving my neighbors.
Creating a gospel-drenched home that nurtures their faith.
God has been showing me that an “ordinary” faith is all that my kids or I need.
Revival in Our Home
It’s been a bit of a revival in our home as Blaise and I have processed through this. We’re still having some “big picture” conversations, but we’re also digging in and implementing changes in our family routines and culture. We’ve been careful to not make changes just for the sake of change, though. We’re really praying through each thing, holding it up, asking for wisdom, and then either setting it aside or carving a new path in our family’s journey.
It’s been hard.
There are some areas where we just hadn’t been very diligent. Work, exhaustion, having a new baby, etc, etc made us lazy, so we’re trying to undo bad habits and instill new ones. And it’s been sanctifying. It’s not fun to admit that we’ve failed. It’s uncomfortable when God reveals your sin or lack of faithfulness, but ultimately we know that this process is necessary.
It’s also been really freeing.
I think in our desire to live radically for the Lord, it felt like we weren’t DOING enough. Because living in our small, Midwestern town, working and raising kids just didn’t feel like enough. You know?? And yet, this is where He has us right now. It was like each day we were striving for something. We wanted to have something to hold up and say, “See this thing? This is the thing that we’ve done for Jesus.”
But there’s so much freedom in knowing that what He’s calling us to doesn’t require any striving. It simply requires showing up, soaking in His Word, and then letting the Holy Spirit lead us throughout our days.
I don’t know where you are right now, friend. Maybe you’ve already figured all of this out or maybe you’re wrestling through something different. Or maybe you, too, know that sometimes the absolute hardest, most sanctifying thing you can do is just stay put and be faithful. Because isn’t going and doing so much easier than staying and being???
Regardless of where you are right now – physically and spiritually – I’d love to pray for you. Leave me a comment below or shoot me an email letting me know how you’d like me to pray, and I’ll spend the next week (or more) faithfully praying for you by name.
