First of all, I just want to thank all of you who participated in the prayer marathon for the southern Sudanese during last week’s referendum! If you were following the news at all, then you know that the turn out was tremendous, the international community was definitely involved, and except for a couple of small scuffles, peace prevailed. There is no denying that God was and continues to work there! Blaise and I will continue to pray, because the next six months will continue to be crucial as the votes are counted and some big decisions are made.
I’m going to switch gears on you now!
Yesterday we took time across the nation to remember Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Across Facebook people had plastered quotes from him, and one of my very favorites reminded me of a few things in my life. He said, “Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” There are several things in my life that are requiring HUGE amounts of faith right now, and most of them revolve around this summer. I’m just going to throw some things out there that are requiring me (a Type-A, ubber planner who likes control…I’m lovely to live with sometimes) to throw my hands up and trust that God’s plan is much greater than anything I could possibly devise with own my short-sighted humanness. I have recently lost much sleep over some of these details, and that’s when I decided that lying awake restless with my mind reeling is NOT the definition of faith I am called to have. So, here goes…
First of all, one of the greatest American worries: money. My own fundraising has gone really well so far, as I have saved all of my photography earnings to put toward my three months in Uganda and 1-2 trips into Sudan. The issue is that I will have to sacrifice time from work (several weeks) in order to get a full three months in, and based on the lay-offs last year at school, I don’t know if I will have a job to come back to in the fall. Also, Blaise’s work has been slow again, so we have struggled to put back what we’d hoped for his trip into Sudan. I want to say that to us, the sacrifices are completely worth it; however, it’s so easy for a Type-A person like me to crunch the numbers repeatedly and make numerous contingency plans and SO hard for me to give it all over to God. Did I say it’s hard? It is. =)
Second, this worry feels fairly unique to the trip: timing. I say it feels unique to the trip because our schedules in America are very tidy and aside from overworking us, they are rarely (at least in my life) so unknown. I have been worrying about timing because there are many factors at play here. There’s the dates for me leaving and coming home (alone, if I don’t get to go over with a team), trip dates into Sudan, Blaise’s time in Sudan and then determining how much time off from work after that he can afford, etc. Do I know in my heart that God will strategically place the pieces exactly where they need to be for this summer? Yes, of course. However, my head is really stubborn and the timing seems impossible to figure out.
Finally, there are the thoughts of being away from Blaise for so long. Fortunately, I know how I felt last summer…I missed Blaise, but I was NOT at all ready to come home! I think the same will hold true again. I will miss him like crazy every day, but I know that I have his support, and thanks to the Sudanese, I also know that marriage means much more than sharing the same space (and our time apart is very temporary compared to the time apart many Sudanese spouses spend). This one is not as much a worry as it’s just something I’m anticipating!
Well, there you have it. I’m a typical American with too many thoughts!! =) I have been taking a lot of comfort in some stories in Genesis, however. One of my 2011 goals is to read the entire Bible from beginning to end. It’s actually quite feasible, and it has reminded me of some serious stories of faith that make my worries seem like a mud hut sitting next to the Sears Tower (there’s a little Sudan-Midwest analogy for you!). Noah built an enormous ark upon hearing God’s command…and can you imagine how crazy people must have though him to be!?! He did it anyway (Gen. 6: 13-22). Abraham actually had his son, Isaac, on the alter, knife in hand, ready to sacrifice him because of his commitment to living out faith (Gen. 22:10)! Before that, Abraham had also packed up everything and walked away from his country and people to follow God’s plan (Gen. 12:1). These are not just peanuts, these are BIG sacrifices in the name of the Lord…
I know better than to doubt the Almighty, but then why is it so hard to let go? I guess because I’m human…but I’m working on that! =)