My mom was a stay-at-home mom. She was always there when we needed her, and while I don’t think she loved everything about being a SAHM, she worked hard to create a nurturing home for us to grow up in. When my brother and I were both school-aged, she went to work part-time at our school, so even then she was always near.
But even though being a SAHM was her primary role and she was good at it, she never really encouraged me to stay home with my own kids. In fact, there was always a note of feminism in her advice to me over the years. “Go to college and get a good job so you don’t have to rely on a man to take care of you.” It wasn’t unique advice. In fact, many of my friends’ moms gave the very same advice to them. It was what society-at-large told us young women we had to do.
And so, I was always going to be a “career woman.” I worked exceptionally hard to earn my degree (summa cum laude, even) in Secondary Special Education. I loved teaching and had long-term plans for further degrees I would earn to advance my career. I felt like the career I’d chosen was plenty family-friendly. After all, I had every summer off and my work schedule was extremely predictable. I just assumed that motherhood would fit in and around my career.
I never considered that God might have planned for motherhood and homemaking to be my vocation all along.
I got the first big shock when God called me out of the classroom and onto the mission field. But I still had a job title and eventually assimilated it into my identity. When people asked, I could still tell them that I was a “missionary” or even the “education initiatives coordinator” (my official job title) for our organization.
Then we came back to the States with Mr. Six (who was one at the time) and I returned to the classroom, resuming the position of “teacher” once again. Over the next couple of years, I was in and out of the classroom a few times, filling different positions and covering maternity leaves. I just wasn’t ready to let that part of me go.
So when God made it clear to Blaise and I that He was calling me out of the classroom and into the home full-time, I really struggled with my identity. I KNEW in my head that my identity is in Christ alone and that no job determines my worth. And yet, when people asked what I do for a living, I often had a hard time answering. “I stay home with my kids” always felt like a paltry little sentence to sum up who I am.
Because we all know that in the States, when someone asks, “What do you do?” They really mean, “Who are you?”
Let me be perfectly clear: I am very content staying home and raising my kids. I love homeschooling and I am very fulfilled in my work. I’d be lying if I said there weren’t times I missed donning my professional attire and going to a job where people recognized and thanked me for my hard work. However, I know I’m right where God wants me and there’s so much joy in this.
But because of all those years of feeling like it wasn’t a real career choice, “homemaking” has always felt more like a dirty word than a calling to cultivate.
Embracing the Vocation of Homemaking
I’ve only recently realized my need to embrace homemaking as a true vocation. It is certainly a calling, but it’s also a valid career choice.
I’ve had plenty of choices in front of me, too. There were at least three crucial times in my life when I had unsolicited job offers on the table that were not only better than my positions at the time, but were literally what I dreamed of. Those career moves would have paved the way for more opportunities down the road. Yet I made the choice to pursue homemaking instead.
However, in doing so, it’s almost like I could feel my worth and value shrink within our broader culture. I’ve had people assume that I’m only staying home with my kids until they are in school, and then when I tell them we homeschool, they don’t really know where to go from there. I’ve also had women “reassure” me that teaching is a career I can re-enter at any time, so no worries, I didn’t actually throw my career away.
Y’all, when did being a homemaker become something that no woman wants to be?
Why did it become shameful to give that as our honest answer to the question, “What do you do?”
What made us stop seeing the important work of cultivating a warm, loving home life and raising up the next generation as something to be shunned, avoided, or minimized?
I’ve read quite a bit on this topic and know the historical answers to those questions, but I think that in my heart of hearts, I’m grieved that girls are told they can be anything they want to be…unless, of course, they want to be homemakers.
So I’ve been on a mission to change my worldview on this. I’ve been praying for God to help me see this worthy work the way He sees it. It’s a high and holy calling, worthy of my time, my effort, my love, and yes, even my degree.
And I’ve also been praying that He will help me realize that even if I do have other jobs on the side (at different times, I’ve been a photographer, a writer, and an online ESL teacher), I’m a homemaker first and foremost.
Mastering the Humble Art of Homemaking
I’ve also been on a mission to master the art of homemaking. Homemaking is an art, and I’m sure you can pretty quickly think of at least one woman who is gifted in hospitality, whose home exudes the love, warmth, and grace that she spins and weaves throughout everything she touches.
I do not feel like I have that gift.
But over the last year or so, God has really begun to change the desires of my heart. It’s not just about having all the laundry folded and put away or serving up an amazing, made-from-scratch meal for dinner. It’s about the feeling of our home. Like Grandma’s pies that are baked with love, I desire to bake love into each and every thing I do for my family. I want to cultivate a place where everyone sighs with relief and finds refreshment while they’re here.
I want home to be more than a place; I want it to be a feeling.
I want to master this art, not just for my own sense of accomplishment, but for the glory of God. Just as I used to work hard for my students and employers, now I want to work hard in a way that blesses my family and honors my Heavenly Father. When my children look back on their growing up years, I want them to remember the meals, ideas, and conversations we shared. I want them to feel the sense of purpose, of belonging, and of joy that filled our home. In the big things, of course, but in the smallest of things, too.
It isn’t that there is a shortage of love or warmth in our home. Not by a long shot, but in terms of homemaking, I’ve always kind of approached the mundane such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry with a grumbly attitude. And it’s that very attitude in my heart that I desire to change the most.
But make no mistake, homemaking is sanctifying work. Much of it goes unnoticed, and we all know that it isn’t glamorous. But through the daily care of my family, I know that God is doing a work in my heart that is unseen to all but Him. It’s hidden away, but I can feel it stretch and smooth and shape me. And as I look to Him, with a heart full of thankfulness and humility, I know that He will in turn grow me in the wisdom and skill I need to truly master the art of homemaking.
Some Beautiful Helps in My Journey
Y’all know how much I love a good book! There are two books in particular that I found which address the art of homemaking really beautifully.
The first is Theology of Home II: The Spiritual Art of Homemaking. It’s written by Catholic moms, so while some of our theology differs, the book is beautifully written and the photographs are drool-worthy. The authors do a wonderful job of appealing to our God-given nature as women to nurture and create homes that refresh and nourish.
The other book is The Lifegiving Home: Creating a Place of Belonging and Becoming. Basically, if Sally Clarkson has written it, I want to read it! And so far this book is no different. It’s a complete shift in perspective and has already given me so much encouragement in shaping the culture of our home.
Freedom for Moms in All Vocations
I’ll end with this. I do believe there’s freedom in this area for Christians. Whether you work outside of the home or are a full-time homemaker, you can still nurture your family, cultivate a life-giving home, and faithfully follow Jesus in discipling your kids.
The art of homemaking isn’t limited to full-time, stay-at-home-moms.
I don’t know where you are in embracing your role as a homemaker. Maybe you always dreamed of homemaking as your vocation, or maybe you’re a bit more like me in that you’ve always been more career-oriented.
Wherever you are in your journey, I hope that you feel the freedom to embrace your role as a homemaker and that you’ll journey with me as I learn to embrace mine.
