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Lately I have been quite overwhelmed. I am finished up my semester a full month early, getting things at home tied up, packing, and designing wedding photo books for clients before I leave. It’s been nuts!
Sometime I get so caught up in what I’m doing that I forget about why I’m doing it. In this case, my packing lists, my lesson plans, and even my Bible stories become such details that I focus on that I forget to look at the BIG picture…this is God’s trip. My focus should be solely on Him and what He needs me to do. I LOVE making lists and checking them off. It’s a sense of accomplishment that Type A people like me need. But when I’m focusing on each little box, I’m not praying. I’m not reading the Bible. I’m not worshipping.
Today we had our third and final team training, and Peter kicked it off with some information about Tonj and a prayer that literally moved me to tears. It reminded me that my focus needs to be on serving God in whatever way He chooses to use me. My focus should be on building up my spiritual shield. It should be on preparing my heart to pour out love on the Sudanese. Being detail-oriented is great…sometimes. Other times I have to remind myself to take a step (or ten) back, and realize that my life is not my own. I can worry myself to death over details: will I make my luggage weight, will I leave a detailed enough list for Blaise, will my debit card work in Uganda, will my teacher training lessons have any value?
Faith can be a struggle. I rarely struggle to believe God, but I often struggle with letting go of control and trusting that God will provide for all of my worries. I don’t have to have all of the answers, because God does.
I ask that you pray for me and my need to focus on Him in these next several days. Pray that I can walk away from my to-do list and spend some quality time in His presence, preparing my heart for this journey. Pray that I will stop worrying about things I cannot control and allow God to work through me in unexpected ways. I want that…I really do. It’s just easier said than done!
I need to focus…on Him.
