Mentoring Refugees: Highs and Lows…

January 6, 2011

First of all, happy 2011! I’m so excited because I can finally say, “THIS is the year in which I will live in Uganda for 3 months!!”

Okay, so it has been nearly 2.5 months since our refugee family’s airplane touched down at the Indianapolis International Airport, and we have had an absolutely wonderful time getting to know them and helping them adjust to our crazy culture. The family is fantastic, and they continue to teach us so many new things- including the Karen (ka-RHEN) language- and we really treasure their friendship. We have also really begun to get the hang of how mentoring works, and I have just recently understood why Exodus warns volunteers that it can be frustrating at times.

I wanted to share with you some of our experiences thus far, good and bad. I’ll begin with the good, because that’s much more fun! =)

Highs:
-Labeling apartment in English with Post-It notes
-Introducing our family to hot chocolate and Charlie Brown Christmas
-Christmas at the Zoo (the Indianapolis Zoo gets decked out in Christmas lights, reindeer, Santa, and other fun holiday festivities) and Arni’s Pizza
-Microwave and vacuum instruction, organizing the kitchen (they were storing all of their plates, bowls, and silverware in the dishwasher), and explaining the difference between the many American cleaning products as well as bathroom products
-Fecal misunderstanding
-Bringing our refugee family with us to spend Christmas with my parents and family…it was one of the most magical Christmases that I can ever remember!

I have to share this story with you. One evening we were sitting on their living room floor (in their culture, nearly everything from relaxing to eating is done on a large mat on the floor…which is where we spend nearly all of our time when we visit them) just after we finished writing down temperature conversions from Fahrenheit to Celsius. We explained to them that during Indiana winters it is usually below freezing, so it would be -0 degrees Celsius. We also converted oven temps, thermostat temps, and several others just so they would have the conversions as a resource. The father then asked me what constitutes a fever in America, to which I replied, “A low-grade fever is 99 degrees, but usually a fever is 100 degrees or higher. It is dangerous when you have a fever of 102 or higher for very long.” To that, he replied with a chuckle, “In Thailand [refugee camp]…99…you die!!” All four of us laughed at such a small, but important cultural difference.

Somehow, through their broken, but quickly improving English and our very limited Karen, we are bridging the cultural differences and sharing many commonalities. They are kind people who laugh easily, enjoy everything we teach them, thank us profusely for each visit, and show us such great respect. We cannot help but to love them.

Unfortunately, everything has not been easy and funny, and we have encountered some true frustrations recently. As the family lives here longer, they will be expected to take on more and more responsibly with regards to working, paying bills, and managing their own household and navigating society. This scares the living daylights out of me!! Right now, they are still taking full-time English, job, and health awareness classes and will not be authorized to work for a few more weeks. Exodus will continue paying for their rent and utilities for 2.5 more months, and they will continue receiving government assistance for food and healthcare for 2.5 more months. This comforts me to some degree, but the father of the family unknowingly made a very bad decision at the beginning of December, and it recently caught up with him.

The father has a refugee friend that took him to the bank to open a checking account (good decision, responsible step toward independence) and apparently to shop at Target. I have no qualms about the shopping, as it is important for them to do this without our help, too; however, you can apparently now purchase cell phones at Target through both AT&T and Verizon Wireless. The father’s friend help the father apply for and sign a 1-year cell phone contract with Verizon Wireless for a plan that allows him very few minutes for the price. Now, understand that the father of our family speaks very little English, has no concept of the cost of living in America (nor how little his first job(s) will likely pay), and has no concept of a binding legal contract or credit ratings. When the father first proudly showed us his cell phone, Blaise and I worriedly looked at each other, and then immediately asked to see any receipts and paperwork for the phone. What the father showed us was shocking and concerning: the receipt for the phone, an extra protection plan that the sales guy conned him into buying, and the binding contract with a standard $175 cancellation fee disclaimer. YIKES!!!

We were very upset that the friend advised our new-to-America father to get a phone on contract, and we were very worried that he would not be able to afford it; however, I took him to the bank and we had a check made to pay his first phone bill at the end of December. I was determined that if he was going to have the phone, I would at least teach him how to be responsible and build good credit.

Fast forward to this past Monday when Blaise tried to call the father on his cell phone to let him know that we were coming to visit, but the phone appeared to be shut off. When we arrived at their apartment, the father handed us the phone and said it wouldn’t work. I helped him call Verizon from my phone, give the appropriate account information, and we learned that the father unknowingly exceeded his minutes and data usage and now owes Verizon far more money than he can afford to pay. When I told the father the amount he owes, he literally went pale (it’s a significant amount). I could tell that he didn’t understand the cost, and I tried my best to explain such a complicated issue. We were all devastated.

We do have a plan worked out to cancel his contract and set him up on a payment plan to pay off what he owes Verizon plus the cancellation fee, but it frustrates me that this happened in the first place. I place a lot of the blame on his friend who was so willing to suggest something that the friend would have no responsibilities for, and though the father really didn’t understand what he was getting into, I also think that this was a good lesson in making sure that he is completely aware of every purchase and agreement he makes. This was a lesson in responsibility and the hard knocks of American life.

I don’t want to bum you out (because this has certainly bummed me out), but I’m just keepin’ it real! Mentoring is one of the most amazing experiences I have had, and it has been a blessing in so many ways; however, it is tough for our family and many other refugee families as they come to America and do not know what is up from down. I don’t realize how much I take for granted by being born in America (and I’m sure it is similar in other wealthy, developed countries). Though I really hate sitting down each month to pay bills, I can easily strategize and budget accordingly; I know the difference between junk mail and important documents; I can easily research purchases and contracts to make sure I’m well-informed before making decisions; and I speak the language…which is hands down the most beneficial skill to have.

I’ll end this incredibly lengthy post with pictures!!

Christmas at the Zoo…