My New Normal

I cannot believe that I have been home from Sudan for more than a month now…it seems like just yesterday that I was stepping off of the plane and into Blaise’s arms. 

On the trip, Andrew and Peter talked a lot about finding our “new normal” as we return home and begin processing everything we have experienced.  I have been just ridiculously blessed to have such an amazing husband, such wonderful friends, and a crazy-supportive aunt and cousin to help me through this process.  In addition, this blog has proven to be quite therapeutic.  God did really powerful things for the Sudanese, our team, and myself, and I feel so blessed to have been able to share with you, from the bottom of my heart, how this trip changed the lens through which I view the world.

As I have processed through our trip, grieved over leaving Sudan, and settled back in at home, I have started to find my new normal.  I have blogged, shared, and gone shopping.  I have been to restaurants, been to the grocery store, and been to work.  The first of each of those was strange, and I could not stop thinking about how much (materially) we have here in the US compared to how much the people lack (again, materially) in Sudan.  However, I have also not been able to stop thinking about how rich they are in joy, community, love, and faith!  In many ways, I envy the simplicity and lack of greed with which they live, but I am also tremendously grateful that God has blessed my life so that I am able to travel overseas and share His love and grace with others.

So, what does my new normal look like? Well, at first glance, not tremendously different on the outside; however, changes are taking place and I am quite excited about where God is leading Blaise and I (yes, he’s been a huge participant in my new normal…and his new normal)! Here are some of the biggest ways I have changed/changes I have made (and please note, this is how the trip affected me personally, and this is not a comprehensive list):

-I have simplified my life.  One of the biggest “aha” moments I had in Sudan was realizing the stark contrast between their simple lives and my/our busy, hectic, cluttered lives in America.  I LOVED our mud hut, not having a TV, and not worrying about answering emails and phone calls.  I am in the process of clearing my life of worthless junk, and focusing on God.  The biggest question I have been asking myself before making purchases, scheduling anything, and committing my time is, Is this necessary and/or worthy? It has been very freeing to simply say no to things that do not bring me closer to God, nurture family and friendships, or otherwise glorify Him.

-I love deeper and show grace more readily.  One of the greatest lessons I learned in Sudan was how to love so deeply and unconditionally.  Day after day I was completely blown away by how much love and grace I experienced.  I have been so blessed by the reception I have received here at home that showing love and grace has not been difficult in regards to my trip; however, I do work with some students and occasionally encounter people toward whom I have to actually work to love or show grace to.  Not everyone is easy to love…but I have learned that everyone deserves it, and Jesus commands that we give it.  I pray every day that God fills my heart with love and joy so that I may pour it out onto others.  The funny thing about loving so deeply and compassionately is that the more you give away, the more God fills you with…it’s a crazy cycle that I’m really loving (see…there’s a whole ‘lotta love)!

-I think about and pray for the Southern Sudanese every single day.  I left so many beautiful, amazing people behind in Sudan, and I pray for them and their families daily.  Not only do I pray for them individually, but I also really pray a lot about the upcoming referendum scheduled to take place in January 2011.  This election is huge for Sudan…as it will determine whether or not the South will finally be allowed to secede.  I ask that you please join me in praying for the leaders of Sudan (North and South) to make wise decisions free from corruption, the election to be held without conflict, the North to respect and concede to whatever decision the South makes, and that there finally be lasting peace in Sudan.  This is huge, and Southern Sudan needs all of the prayers possible!

-I am wholeheartedly chasing after God and His will for Blaise and I! I experienced what it feels like to put 100% of my faith in God and allow Him to work it all out in front of me, and I am no less committed to doing that now that I am home.  I am not saying that I’ll never again question His path for us, or stumble and fall, but I do not ever want to be a lukewarm, throw-a-few-dollars-in-the-collection-plate-and-call-it-good kind of Christian again.  I want to be sprinting toward what God wants for us with fiery enthusiasm.  You know, I want to be a we’re-moving-to-a-mud-hut-in-the-heart-of-Southern-Sudan kind of Christian! I am ready to serve my Lord and Savior with willing hands and feet, and an open heart.  I followed Him to Sudan, a place where most people assumed the worse in terms of safety and absolute wilderness.  It was not just a great experience, it was the most AMAZING experience ever!! I learned how to trust God with my life, just how blessed I was to serve the Sudanese, and how excited I am about where God will lead me to serve next!

-I am very conscious of all that I have, and how blessed I am to be living in one of the richest nations in the world.  It is so easy to get caught up in “keeping up with the Joneses”, and we have all heard that the middle class is shrinking in America.  However, I no longer look at my life and see a bank statement with too low a balance, a house too small, a car too old, or a closet too empty…I see that I am filthy rich! I have a lovely, comfortable house, two great vehicles, running water, a flush toilet, and a bank account to actually put money into.  There are millions of people in the world who live on less than $2/day…less than I spent on my latte today.  I cannot turn on the water without seeing jerry cans, go to the grocery store without tasting sorghum, lay down in bed without smelling grass thatching, go to work without feeling mud between my toes, or turn on my iPod without hearing Sudanese voices lift a song up to Nhial.

I mean how could you not be a new person after this: brushing our teeth with nip (photo courtesy of Andrew Brown)…

Or this: teaching Kim how to take a sora with my fancy camera (photo courtesy of Mandy)…

And especially moments like these (photos courtesy of Peter Swann)…

Again, thank you so much for following this journey with me and for showing such tremendous love and support! It has actually been really hard to share some of these things with you (in previous posts), because some lessons were tough to learn and I have missed Sudan every minute of every day since I have been home.  I had such a surprising feeling of being at home while I was there, and I am so glad that I was able to give you a glimpse of what I experienced.

I will be posting some exciting news and Sudan videos in the next few days, so don’t think this little bloggity is finished!!