I was four years old when I went to my parents and asked to be baptized. I don’t remember much, but I do have a sliver of a memory of walking into our pastor’s office with my dad and answering some questions about why I wanted to be baptized and what it meant to me. I don’t know how I answered those questions, but I do remember being held up for our church to see, dripping wet from the dunking I’d just gotten in our baptismal. So clearly I answered correctly. That was the beginning of my counter-cultural journey.
I highly doubt that as a four-year-old I understood everything that a commitment to follow Christ entailed…I’m 32 years old and I’m still discovering what it means! However, I did understand that I was a sinner in need of grace, and that Jesus had died to pay the atoning sacrifice to cover me in that grace. As I’ve grown in my faith over the course of the last 28 years, been discipled by some amazing people, and even gone to the mission field to share the Good News with others, I’ve continued to learn about the commitment and sacrifice required to follow Jesus.
Which leads me to where I am today.
Last summer (2016), after teaching ELL for the previous school year, I felt a deep conviction that I needed to be home with Clark and Elliot, who was still on the way at that point. I resigned from my position and enjoyed 10 solid months as a stay-at-home mom. In the spring, a perfectly-timed opportunity arose for me to take a temporary, 8-week teaching position to pay off some medical bills. Blaise and I prayed about it and felt like the timing was all God’s, so back to work I went. It was brutal and I counted down every day that passed, waiting to be home with the boys again.
Then the opportunity arose for me to loop up to 6th grade with those same students I had and cover a 12-week maternity leave position this fall. It was a logical decision, fueled also by the prospect of saving a decent chunk of money as a safety net. This time, however, has been an even greater struggle. If I’m being honest, I don’t think I prayed through it enough and I don’t know that I was really listening for God’s response anyway. The idea of a bit more financial security was calling, so I’m back at work (4 weeks in) and struggling tremendously.
I’ve really wrestled with this position, partly because I don’t think I was being obedient to His call for me to stay home and partly because this time around I’m working with different staff, I’m walking through skin cancer, and we’re praying through a big move in ministry. But I think another reason it’s been so hard this time is because I’m seeing just how radically different I am called to live, as a disciple of Jesus. I can feel culture grate against my convictions; I can feel myself swim upstream as we step outside of “normal” and desire to live counter-culturally. There’s a tremendous amount of discomfort in that.
My desire to be a stay-at-home mom, alone, is counter-cultural.
Sure, there are plenty of SAHMs in the States, but it’s still not the majority choice and there’s still a bit of stigma that a SAHM must not desire a career or be ambitious or have options. I’ve officially turned down 3 really great teaching jobs (all of which I would have LOVED at one time in my life) in the last year, all because I know that God is calling me to be at home with our boys. I know that He doesn’t call every mother to that, but He is calling me to it. But I catch myself sometimes say things like, “Oh, I just stay home with my boys,” as if it’s less than. I know I don’t need to do that, but it pops out when I’m around certain people because it’s a bit of our culture I have to fight against. But the conviction for me was really the fact that God gave me these two boys to raise…to disciple. That won’t happen by accident.
Our desire to homeschool the boys is definitely counter-cultural.
While homeschooling is gaining popularity, even among non-Christians, it’s still very much NOT the popular choice. We are so thankful to have good friends and a few family members who are either homeschooling families themselves or are at least supportive of our decision. But we’ve found that even in church we encounter language that communicates deep-seated stereotypes and beliefs about homeschooling. “Make sure you socialize them!” “Just make sure they’re not those weird homeschooled kids!” “Do you really think you can educate them better than our schools?” Sometimes I struggle to give grace-filled responses and sometimes these comments really sting. It’s, again, not what God calls everyone to, yet we are so very sure that this is what God is calling our family to that we are willing to endure the discomfort of living counter-culturally in this way.
Our choice to live life on mission is not a very popular decision, and sadly, one that is even misunderstood by some Christians.
We are currently living in our home state of Indiana and doing life and discipleship here, but our hearts are really burdened for reaching the nations. We endure the questions about why we feel the need to go there when there’s plenty to do here, we are frequently explaining that God does, in fact, call families (even with little bitties) to live in hard places, and we are trying to stay prayerfully submitted to His will for when and where we will go next. But leaving the comforts of our home, the familiarity of our families, and the security of solid jobs and a largely crime-free community to obediently follow Jesus is challenging. It grates against our flesh, and it really grates against the desires our families have for us.
Choosing To Say Yes
Lately, though, I’ve been so encouraged to have conversations with a few fellow mothers in my life who are in the same place: choosing to live counter-culturally, choosing to say yes to Jesus in how He has called them to do family life, and choosing to embrace the challenge of all that entails. I am once again counting down the days until this maternity leave position is over and I’m just a stay-at-home mom, getting to spend all the hours, have all the one-on-one times, and do all the discipling of my precious sons. I am eager and excited to experience the adventures of homeschooling (y’all, I already have our math curriculum picked out and Clark has only just turned three). And I cannot wait to share with you how God has been stirring and speaking to our hearts about what is next for our family!
Much love,
Cass
