There we were, my parents, Blaise’s mom, Blaise, and I, all standing at the security checkpoint, hugging, crying, and trying to laugh through the sadness of saying goodbye. We definitely drew attention from those walking by us, but we didn’t care. My dad hugged me, kissed me, told me that he was proud of me, and that he loved me. My mom repeated that process. Then Blaise’s mom.
And then we turned and walked away. Just like that.
I am terrible at goodbyes, because I am always overcome by emotion and immediately feel the absence of those whom I love. It was terrible to say goodbye to my friends in Houston–I cried for a while after each round of goodbyes. It was even more difficult to spend an entire month with our families and then say goodbye to them–I cried for several nights before we left and have cried each day since we arrived. It was really hard to say goodbye to our nieces, because they’re all far too young to understand that we won’t be home for a long time. My brother’s children, especially, became accustomed to seeing us each day. And suddenly we’re gone. And don’t even get me started on our parents, who do understand that we won’t be home, who are supportive, but whom we will miss like crazy. I, personally, struggle so much because I think of how much we will miss while we’re here–birthdays, Christmases, Thanksgivings, and so on.
But this is the life of a missionary: transition and goodbyes.
It isn’t that I feel like I’ll never see them again. I don’t feel that way at all, but I do know that a lot happens in two years. Our nieces and nephew will grow SO MUCH in that time, our grandparents and parents will continue to age, and we pray that our own little family will grow in that time. Life goes on…it will for us and it will for them.
It is also that I know that Blaise and I will change immensely in these next two years. Of course everyone else will, too, but we will see, do, and experience things that our friends and families will just not be able to understand out of context. We will come home very different people; hopefully having grown tremendously in our faith, maybe broken in some areas, and with an entirely different culture and language as part of who we are. Will we still fit into our families? Of course. It will just feel different than it did before for all of us.
And yet even as difficult and heart-wrenching as those goodbyes were, we know that we are precisely where God wants us. We also know that emotions are normal and healthy, so we are trying to feel them, process them, and still glorify God through them. What else can we do? There is a quote that I love (and have no idea who it’s from) that says, “Missionaries are people who leave their families for a short time so that others can be with their families for eternity.” True story.
Here are some pictures from our last days and moments with family…
Blaise’s parents and siblings…
My grandma…
My brother…
My parents…
Blaise’s mom…
Please just keep us in your prayers and we settle in here and get over homesickness, and please lift up our families in your prayers as they settle into a new normal with us so far away.