As you may know, Blaise and I went home to Indiana for Christmas, and we were able to spend two whole, precious weeks with our families and friends. It was such an incredible, healing, blessed time. It was also a time that I intentionally took a LOT of pictures. Hundreds. Because this was likely our last Christmas home for a few years…I wanted to remember ALL of it. I wanted to remember our mini-reunion with my brother and nieces in my parents’ living room; all FIVE Christmas dinners that we shared with various parts of our families; the fluffy, white snow that blanketed my family’s farm on Christmas morning; the carnage left over after all of us gathered and tackled a heaping mound of presents under the tree…and for that matter, what the heaping mound of presents looked like; the boxing match at my in-laws’ house Christmas night; snowstorms, sledding, and lazy afternoons with family and friends.
When we got home, I plugged in my memory card to upload all of my photos. When I started to look through them, however, I saw that they were blank. Empty files. When I clicked on each file, a sad message box popped up telling me that my file was corrupt and could not be opened.
WHAT?!?
I was absolutely devastated. For those of you who know me know that pictures are tremendously important for me to tell a story. That night, it really felt like someone had come into my home and stolen all of my most precious possessions. I felt violated.
Only four days later, a student at my school quite literally stole my iPhone from right off my desk. It was during my planning period when no students were even supposed to be in the room. I stepped out for a few minutes, and when I came back my phone was gone. I was livid, especially since in the days that followed I began to realize that the student who stole my phone would literally not experience a single consequence for her actions. She was on camera coming into and leaving the room, but since no one actually saw her pocket the phone, nor was she caught with it on her person (she skipped the rest of that afternoon, and has since not returned), the administration and police officers basically said it’s a bummer, but there’s nothing they can do.
Besides being incredibly frustrated (well, angry for a couple of days) by having something that is mine literally stolen from me in what should be a safe place, I was also again “punched” in the gut when I realized that the ONLY other photos I had from my trip to Indiana over Christmas were on my phone. And they were gone. (I have a very limited data plan, so no my Location Services were not on, and no, I did not back up my photos to iCloud.) Gone. Just like that.
Because anger and unforgiveness are two areas that I have struggled with for most of my life, I had to spend a lot of time in prayer begging God to see both situations through His eyes. There was no one to blame for my memory card failing…it just happens sometimes. But there was a very specific teenager that I could blame for the phone theft. Thankfully the Holy Spirit gave me compassion for her. I saw, instead of a criminal young woman who deserved to be punished, a girl who is lost…she obviously doesn’t know Jesus (the phone theft is one of the most recent of a long list of poor choices) and is living in darkness. She doesn’t need condemnation…she needs Jesus!!
The experiences reminded me of a few things. First, while I’m still so disappointed that I lost my pictures, they are just earthly things. I love my family and no loss of photographs can change that. Additionally, Natalie spoke to me about the fact that sometimes God allows that kind of loss in order for us to begin letting go as we prepare to move to foreign lands for ministry. Apparently, this kind of thing happens to missionaries often.
I was also reminded that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And that’s exactly what he did in both situations. He stole treasured pictures, he stole an expensive phone, and for a few days he even managed to destroy the trust I had in people. However, it was a fantastic reminder of Job’s story. Our response to everything that the enemy throws at us should be to turn around and glorify God. It also reminded me that no matter what the enemy takes from me–pictures, possessions, health, and even life–he cannot separate me from my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. There is simply no insurance plan that is better than that!
Finally, having my phone stolen made me realize something so important about our time in South Sudan. I took the job at my high school on purpose…I knew it was a rough neighborhood and had a really bad reputation for violence, low achievement scores, etc. I desired–and still do– to be a light in the darkness there. The thing about plunging oneself into darkness for the glory of God is that it comes at great personal risk. This is true of any ministry anywhere in the world. This will be true in South Sudan. We may have things stolen, be betrayed, and be disappointed repeatedly by the very people to whom we go to minister. Again, that’s the risk of knowingly and intentionally walking into darkness. Satan doesn’t want us there and will use many tactics to discourage, threaten, and even harm us; however, like Christ, we must forgive those who hurt us and keep on loving them in His name. It is true in Houston and it will be true in South Sudan.
So, while it was a rough week, God used it to speak volumes to me. Everything about our time in Houston–above and beyond the formal training–seems to be meant to prepare us for our work in South Sudan, and my prayer continues to be that I would surrender myself FULLY to the Lordship of Christ. It was awful to go through those experiences, but I feel like through them both I was able to empty a bit more of myself and get a little more of Him.
And because our God is GRACIOUS, He blessed me with the ability to download a few pictures (certainly not all) that I took with my phone from Instagram, so all was not lost. Praise the Lord!
