That Question.

I would be absolutely lying if I said that I never once have stopped and wondered, “Are we doing the right thing?” That question almost never comes unprovoked, however, and most often it comes immediately after a loved one has expressed anger, sorrow, or confusion about us moving to the mission field.

Last week I had one of those days.

Near the end of an enjoyable visit with my grandparents–which consists of lots of coffee drinking and discussing nearly everything under the sun (or snow, as was the case)–my grandpa finally opened up and shared his thoughts on us moving.  When he began, I thought he was angry with me, but soon I realized that he was terrified for me and terrified for his declining health.  We talked and cried together, and by the time I left I was filled with gratitude for being able to have that conversation, but I was also filled with a heaviness.

Then came the questions.

Are we doing the right thing? Will I live my life filled with regret if loved ones die while I’m gone? Am I doing this for the right reasons? Are we doing the right thing?

And that’s what it always comes down to: Is this the right thing?

Right after we made the commitment to go and prepared for our subsequent fundraising journey to commence, I read a book that said several times throughout the pages that we need to be absolutely sure of our calling to go, because that calling will be questioned by ourselves and others more times that we could know during the course of this journey.

Yet even though I am, at times, assaulted with questions and doubts, the truth and the knowledge of that truth remains.  My absolutely sureness (is that a word?) of our calling has never wavered.  I am as sure about our calling today as I was the day we said we would go.  Even in the midst of the questions that others fire at me like automatic rounds and that bounce around in my head at times, I know deep within my heart of hearts that we are to go.  Simple. As. That.

God has blessed me with wise counsel to trump the questions and doubts, the exact words of Scripture that I need to get all fired up again, and the sense of urgency to get back to East Africa.  But mostly, it’s the peace and the steady confidence that beats through my body and soul when I talk to our Father; the nudging and the whispers that I hear from Him; the reminders of what awaits us; the assurances beyond a shadow of a doubt that our calling lies on African soil and that, in fact, we are doing the obedient thing.

It’s hard, but it’s good!